zyx.

Back to Perth

What a journey it has been! From November 2013 to now, April 2014, God has moulded me and shaped me into one who is starting to believe in the power of prayer. Prayer can heal. Prayer can restore. Prayer can reveal..

FEAR. precisely.. I was excited to go on my first mission trip, but boy was I afraid to come face-to-face with several aboriginal communities. What if they were just as the media portrays them - violent, drunk or abusive? What if I come back from missions, with no desire to ever obey God again? What if…? I could find no proper reason for this sudden sense of fear, but one thing is true - that the enemy was attempting to divert my attention to myself and away from fulfilling God’s will. Its strange how a few photos on Pastor Youshin’s facebook eradicated all fear and replaced it with excitement and anticipation!

FIRST TRIP. January 15-27
Both my expectations were met. Firstly, God revealed his heart to me. The four aboriginal communities we visitied - Cullacabardee, Narrogin, Wagin and Kojonup - were very similar. There was a lack of familial commitment, and an abundance of violence, abuse and broken families, with multiple members in gaol. Secondly, God revealed to me how blessed I am, in all aspects of my life. Family, education, money, relationships.. which I don’t want to waste

SECOND TRIP. April 18-26
In spite of going with no expectations, God still taught me more than anyone could ever teach me. I came to the realisation that the first trip was a trip of observation. Surface-level. I got to know the children’s names and God’s ministries. But the second trip was a trip of insight. The kids were more comfortable with us, which meant that they could be themselves infront of us. Through the fights I witnessed, I became aware of the existent family feud that has been going on for generations. I need to pray that these people will understand the immense forgiveness they received through Christ, in order that they may forgive each other - a stark contrast to the ‘pay-back’ concept embedded into their minds.

Here is my promise.
I will be going back to Perth in December 2014

Past. Present. Future.

26 March 2014 - 12:58pm

God is sovereign. As I sit and reflect on the past nineteen years of life, I come to the realisation that nothing, not one event, happened by coincidence. All the struggles I went through, all the dilemmas, the achievements and rewards lead to who I am today. If it weren’t for the perseverance built through 15 hour shifts 6 days a week, I may have been one who gave up instantly in the face of challenges. If it weren’t for my transfer to North Sydney Girls’ High School, my mind may have still been very narrow, limiting my visions and capacity to aim high. etc. etc.

I am still in the very process of discovering who I am and why I am studying B Com International, serving at FG2, preparing a second mission trip to Perth or even writing this blog. I am yet to cultivate my hobbies - sketching, baking… (if they are indeed my hobbies). But I trust that God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I strongly believe that this does not eliminate all the struggles and difficulties that come in life, but rather believe that God allows me to grow through these seasons so that I can trust in Him. And also to build up my perseverance, character and hope in  God. Who knows? My testimony could be an encouragement to someone else!

In fact, today is the Launching Cocktail Event to initiate the B Com (International) Mentoring Program. It’s crazy and I’m privileged enough to say that it is held at one of the mentor’s penthouse at The Rocks. I’m still very unsure of where my future lies. Did God open up this opportunity to show me that the corporate world is where He is taking me or perhaps it is the exact opposite? But nonetheless I hope that my mentor will truly assist me in gaining realistic insights into working in a firm. [Dieter Adamsas, he seems like a nice man]

It’s hilarious. I never saw myself involved in commercial activities, let alone being mentored by a former Deputy CEO. If anything I detested witnessing people chase after money. But somehow through a series of unpredictable events, here I am in my second year of studying commerce and anticipating studying one year abroad. [I hope to go the UK]. haha. I’m in a state of confusion and uncertainty but I entrust my life into God’s hands. HE will lead me to where I need to be.

In saying this, I am in no position to be lazy and be a sloth expecting God to eventually guide me to wherever I need to be. Reflecting on Pastor Paul’s sermon this week, even with my relationship with God.. Run It. What is my daily regime? What you do today will have an effect on who you are two, three years later.

God
I run
so lead me

Tik Tok

Time.
Time is irreversible.
Time forgets.
Time creates.
Time heals.
Time flies.

For my 19th birthday, I received a watch from Minji. I love it - it’s white with a gold rim and white leather straps. The roman numerals XII and VI are perfectly placed in the inner circle. But one thing is missing - the second hand. No tik tok, no click clock, no metronome.

How often are we wary of the seconds of a minute? The soft brutal ticks that only take us closer to plucking out our first white hair, graduating, retiring?Time is ongoing. It won’t stop and wait for you to catch up to it- no! it’s selfish and inconsiderate! It won’t pause for you in those moments of regret, sorrow, joy. So with no control over it, stop procrastinating! Don’t think that there’ll be enough time to finish off that assignment next week, or that there will be more time to brainstorm, prepare, organise in the future. START NOW and run faster than time. Demand time to catch up to you!

In light of this, make the very most of what you do. When would your next opportunity come to open up to that friend, to walk down through that town, to take courage and speak the truth into a stranger? Be bold and cease the moment carp dieum - because that moment only comes once.

Bolt

"Sorry"

Sorry..

Sorry for…

Sorry that I…

sor·ry [sor-ee, sawr-ee] adjective

feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.
Redundant. That is what this apologetic word has become. I’ve typed, said and written this word so many times, perhaps too many times over the last few years. And like all things that are repeated endlessly, its true meaning is nullified. Take for example, an amazing concoction of mushroom, bacon, parsley and seasoning, spiced up with a squeeze of fresh lemon enhancing an ordinary carbonara sauce. After consuming it day after day, meal after meal, would it not lose its specialty?
 
Mind you, this is only a recent realisation and I have been genuinely apologising out of regret and sympathy. But at times, it rolls off my tongue so naturally - almost as frequent as an article - that it loses its sincerity. "Sorry, what do you mean by…" "Sorry for being…" "Sorry." Maybe it’s my etiquette, manners, a sign of respect, but in retrospect am I presenting myself to be a pretentious butt? I certainly don’t feel that, but in the eyes of my peers who am I?
2014. I will save up my sorry s - who likes an overly apologetic person anyway?
 

Counting my blessings

Oh how often I complain about my frizzy hair, my big feet, my wobbly belly fat, the sticky rice I eat or the tap water I’m given to drink at dodgy restaurants. Seldom do I take a step back, and really compare everything that I have to the rest of the world. Surrounded by a community that lies in the top 2% of the most wealthy, it’s so easy to take even the fresh air that I breathe for granted! Beijingians need face masks and often don’t leave the house because of the smoggy pollution !

On the 891 to uni today, a mother and daughter sat side by side in front of me. They smiled at each other, laughed at each other and fed each other nutrigrains. Under their seats, there was a Labrador guide dog. The mother was visually impaired, and the baby girl (perhaps she was 3 or 4) was not of the same nationality as the mother. She had dark skin, while the mother had fair skin. She had brown curly hair as opposed to straight blonde hair…

I haven taken everything that I have for granted, so to take a moment and count my blessings..

1. Family. It is surprising how many broken families are around me. My FG2 girl, Eugenie’s parents live in separate houses, my friend’s parents have been through divorce. I dislike my sisters’ messiness, their lack of discipline in house chores, my duty to be at Dandy every time I don’t have a lecture or a tute. But blessed am I to have such a healthy relationship with my family, and especially a father who looks over and takes responsibility over the family.
My grandpa came from Korea just over a month ago, and it is such a blessing to learn from his self-discipline, patience and kind-heartedness!

2. Education. Why do I find it such a chore to do tutorial homework, memorise 汉字 or study off textbooks? How blessed am I to even be able to read and write!

3. To be living in Australia. As a Christian, I do not need live with a constant fear of being oppressed or being persecuted. How much more prayerful should I be and intercede for those who put their lives at risk for their faith?

4… My bed, food to eat (despite my mum to dislike cooking, with a passion), shoes, glasses for my blindness, good health

I am an awful ingrate. Complaining takes a great proportion of my daily agenda; it has become natural to complain about Sydney’s transport, the smell of duck, the way I look. I want my eyes to open, to stop being so shallow and look and meditate on the bigger things in life

One advice an older brother shared was - wake up every morning and before I do anything, say 10 things I am grateful for. It will change my attitude towards life